Read It
by mixed up mess
Summary: Before you sit there, crying on your own I know, because I've always known you for you , I want you to remember all the bad times we've had, and all the good times too, and laugh, because life is all one big joke.
1. The Beat That My Heart Skipped

_**The beat that my heart skipped**_

_My Darling Nicholas,  
It was Tuesday when I first saw you. You were standing there with your hands in your pockets and laughing as your friend told a joke. You were waiting in line to go on a scary ride at the theme park, and my friends and I were just behind you. You had straightened your hair that morning I found out later, and your blue eyes flecked with green darted about in the sun. It was our turn, but the man said two of us were to stay behind. I hadn't wanted to go, so I hung back as my friends went in, and seeing me, you hung back as well. A minute later, and it was our turn to go in on our own and the first thing I said to you was 'I get scared, so please protect me'. You smiled and I felt your hand wrap around mine in the complete darkness, and for the first time in God knows how long, I remembered feeling safe. Like no one could hurt me because you were there. After a while, we were near the end, but instead of leaving, you grabbed my hand and pulled me into a corner. The next thing I felt were your lips on mine and your arms around my waist. Too soon, you pulled back and smiled at me. We walked out and pulling a pen out of your pocket, you scribbled your number on my hand in barely legible writing with the name Nick underneath. When I got home, I memorized that number- 07372964183. I've never forgotten it, not even when you changed your phone. And it's stuck with me all my life, even now, as I'm dying, that number is all I think about.  
-Your Alexis  
P.S. This isn't the only letter. I've hidden them all around, and you'll never find them all. But, this is what I want you to do; I want you to go and get as many as you can and do exactly what they say. You may think you've finally got rid of me, but trust me; this is just the start honey._

Nicholas felt a tear in his eye as he thought about Alex. She had passed away about a month ago and she was all he could think about. All he ever could think about. And as he sat and read the letter over and over again, tears slipping down his face, he realised she was all he ever wanted. Oh, and that he'd never EVER forgive himself for crashing that car when she was inside.

**A.N. Ok, new story. I guess the idea is kind of like P.S. I love you, but when you read the letters they're all completely different and make a story of their own. I hope you like it, and REVIEW. Um, I know it's short but it was really quick, and after this I think I'll have a minimum word count of 750 or something. It doesn't have that much of a plot, just stories that sometimes link up. And, for once, there's not as much as dialogue, so that should be interesting.  
Oh, and for the people who read The Lyrics of My Life, the next episode will be out soon, you just need to comment for me to put it up.  
-Alex**


	2. Starts With A Big Finish

Starts With A Big Finish

Nick eyed the letter hungrily before tearing it open and waiting for his eyes to spill over the contents.  
_Nick,  
I'm not sure how many you've found, but this is the second I wrote. And, I want to explain this a little bit more. See, some of my letters will be pages and pages, others just little notes. I've planned this for a while now, I wanted you to know how I actually feel (or felt as you read this)-  
_Nick smiled, she was always one for sarcasm and morbid humour.  
_About you. Because I can say I hate you, I won't feel the consequences. But, I'm telling you that I love you, so you know that I really, really do.  
So time for my next story; our first date. I know, I've left some stuff out but I'm not writing in chronological order, I mean, what's the point; you won't find them how I write them. Here it is, and just so you know- it's taken from my diary. The diary I made when I was 16 years old:  
It was perfect. Nick had taken me to go to dinner at the restaurant and I spent the whole time staring at his eyes and listening to him talking about himself, throwing in the occasional uh-huh or nod when necessary. He was animated, waving his hands about as he laughed at his own jokes, which I couldn't really hear. His eyes lit up at one point, and I giggled at how amazing he looked. Somehow, the shirt he was wearing made his eyes look green, but maybe he wore contacts. All I know is, I fell head over heels for him. And a while later he took me out to the park where we sat and talked, really talked. I told him everything, everything that ever meant something to me. I don't know; it was something about his eyes that made me feel safe. And as I sat there, pouring all my secrets into the cold night air- I fell in love.  
Well, there it is. What I felt about you on our first date. And no, I'm not going to pretend that I loved you all the time, forever and always. It wasn't anywhere near that. Half the time I hated your guts; when you told me you hated me, when you slapped me, when you messed up. And I don't want you to feel bad about any of that; I forgive you. So, what's next?  
I think I want to explain what REALLY happened with Jack and I that summer. Yes, we fooled around I guess. You didn't have the right to get angry though; yes, I heard all about you and Sam behind the locker rooms. Besides, I only kissed him. The rumours about you two, I've heard, go far, far deeper. I never knew, when I first met you that you were like that, as you held my hand in the dark tunnel and told me it was okay, that you weren't like that. Because I thought that was the real you- naive, right? So, as I found out That Night, turns out you're not.  
_Nick knew it was all true, every accusation, every feeling. He couldn't help it, the raging emotions inside him just poured out themselves, no matter who or what they hurt.  
_Ah, yes; That Night. You know, I was so close to just giving it all up. Everything. No matter how hard you try, you will never EVER understand how I felt That Night. I can't even begin to describe how much you hurt me. I hated, a little part of me still does, you for so long. I was so close to committing suicide. And I know you can't remember some of That Night, but trust me, it wasn't good.  
_His heart sunk. It was all a lie, he knew how bad she felt; knew because HE had felt worse. At least she had had someone to talk to about it, he was left (although he would NEVER admit it, even to himself) crying in the pouring rain as the only person he ever cared about hated him. He didn't deserve that; he'd done some terrible, terrible things to her, but no one, not even him, deserved to go through the pain he had felt.  
So, I bet you all want to know what he did?  
_It was late October, I think. I was at home, annoyed at you after some fight I can't even remember. It was stupid, looking back, but that was what happened, there's no changing that. You came home, about 3, 4am, drunk as HELL. I had been worried about you, just before you had stormed off you had told me you'd be back before 1, even though we were fighting I was still desperately in love with you. You knew I didn't want to have sex before we got married, and you had waited for 3 years while dating me, but That Night, everything came crashing down._

**A.N. Okay (I like to start sentences with okay), um can you guys, like, comment, 'cause this took me AGES. And, drama hasn't come yet, but it will. And Lyrics of My Life readers, I'm having some trouble with continuing, because I moved all my things onto just a memory stick, but it should be out relatively soon, IF YOU REVIEW. And I kept my length promise, this is like 959 words, so yeah, please comment, even, right, if it's just :) or :(  
Actually, that would be good, if you like it, put a smiley face, if you don't, put a sad face. And don't go easy on me, I won't hate you if you put :( **


	3. Anyone else but you

**Anyone else but you**

_Ah yes, That Night. Let me get this cleared up; I. Don't. Hate. You. I was angry, hell, I was FURIOUS; I mean, who wouldn't be? And I didn't overreact. You can't remember half of That Night, and honestly, I don't have the heart to tell you (even when it's not beating). But I guess you deserve to know some of it, purely because I know you hurt. You hurt bad. Thing is honey, there's no going back.  
So where was I? Ah yes, you'd just come in. You were carrying a half empty bottle of cider, and were sloshing it about. It wasn't good cider, more the cheap kind that gets you drunk quick. I saw you when you came into my room, I had been lying down watching some film or other, still dressed in the jeans and shirt I was wearing earlier. I may not be able to describe in detail exactly what did happen that night, but the one thing I remember more than anything else, was the smell.  
It wasn't cider, it wasn't alcohol- it was __**perfume**__. I don't know whose, but the smell of euphoria by Calvin Klein is one smell I will never forget. Why? Because it wasn't mine, and I know for a fact it wasn't yours.  
It's something I will never know- I don't think you will either. I'd asked you the day after, when you had the worst hangover known to man, but you denied seeing anyone. And I believe that's what you think- but that doesn't mean it's the truth. I know you were with someone else, a girl. But that was it, right?  
Well, in a word, no. Far from it. That Night had just begun, and honestly, it just got worse, and worse, and worse. For me, anyway.  
So you came in, you were drunk and then you saw me. You gave me a sloppy smile and I was just about to yell at you for being late when you tilted your head to side and stared at me. For a moment, I didn't know quite what I wanted to say, and before I could, you kissed me. You tasted good, I remember that. Like, strawberry lip gloss mixed with apple. I know the apple came from the cider, but when I asked you about the lip gloss as I pulled away, you just smiled at me and kissed me again, running your hands through my hair and easing me down onto my bed. I'd tried to push you off- you were hurting me- but I couldn't you were stronger than I was, especially since you had the advantage; at that moment, you didn't care who you hurt to get what you wanted, but me, I couldn't hurt you for the world.  
After a while, you tried to pull off my shirt, and you succeeded. But when you slowly slid off my jeans and tried to go further, I had had enough.  
"Stop!" I screeched, but you looked at me with a confused expression. You wouldn't speak, I remember that, no matter what I said, the answer was a loose smile or a tilt of the head. Some would say your eyes told it all, which is complete and utter sappy bullshit. It was the way you smashed the empty glass bottle over my skin after throwing the contents down my burning throat that told me you didn't care.  
But what I didn't realise was, you did.  
You really, really did.  
You just didn't know what you were doing._

Nick sighed. He couldn't remember any of this, but he knew she wasn't lying. He had seen the shards of glass the next morning, but when he had asked her about it she had just flinched and closed her eyes for a tiny second before giving me a brief smile and answering, in her best 'I couldn't care less' voice, 'oh, nothing.'  
He scanned the rest of the page- there was more. He wondered what these empty words that meant so much to him and the love of his life would contain- secrets, emotions, memories? There was one way to find out. Read it.

_Time to move on to our next place; the park, the one with the half- broken swing down by the out-of-business hotel. That place holds so many of our memories, so I want you to go, right now, down to that park before you read this. Because if you don't, it won't feel real. This all happened, baby, and I don't want you to forget. It wasn't a dream, none of it was, all cold, hard, solid fact._

Immediately, Nick got on the bus. He ran outside to the stop and beeped in his oyster card. He got strange looks from the people around him, staring at his dishevelled appearance. He didn't care. After a while, he finally got there. He saw the swing she was talking about, and carefully sat down, making sure not to cut himself on the rusty metal and the shredded seat.

_The most important thing that happened right here, I'll talk about later. Let me start at the beginning, the little things that make up the big picture. This park, where you are right at this moment, is where you first asked me out. To a movie, you had explained, and yes- we WOULD actually watched it.  
Okay, that's that memory, but I feel bad for dragging you out here for just a minute. So, the next thing that happens here, was where we watched the fireworks dance about in the sky as I laid my heart on your chest and smelled the warm summer air as I thought about you, about us.  
And, let's face it, they were pretty awesome fireworks._

**A.N. Okay, this is a pretty long chapter for me. So REVIEW. I read them. And if you do read the Lyrics of My Life, you're not getting another chapter till you review, so do it.  
And, random fact, there's this milk shake shop I go to after school. I walk in, and the guy knows my order. It's kind of scary, but, you know, I always get the same thing. So it's not exactly rocket science. So, review and all that, okay?**


End file.
